It’s bee an anxious few days at Castle Sidewalker. We don’t have many luxuries here but I would count the TV remote control as one of them. It even has it’s own name ‘Frank’, after Frank Zappa (tenuous I know, but it’s what I have grown up with!). Anyway, sometime during the Jets win over the Bengals on Sunday Frank took his leave of us, and has not been seen since. This has caused much furniture to be moved all to no avail. This would not have been a problem 60 years ago, with one channel, TV was binary it was either on or off. This would not have been a problem 35 years ago, as the remote control (if you were lucky enough to have a TV) was generally the youngest member of the family that could walk, and whose fingers were dexterous enough to tune into the new channel . This would not have been a problem 30 years ago when the first remote controls were actually attached to the TV by a wire (This version always got it’s man. If you haven’t tripped over this wire carrying a scorching hot drink, you haven’t lived).  It wasn’t until the carrot of 0% finance for elaborate entertainment systems, requiring multiple remotes with more processing power than the lunar module, that the loss of a remote really became an issue some 15 years ago.

So the last few days has seen Mrs Sidewalker’s workload increase, as she has had to do the round trip from the sofa to the cable box every time we wanted to change the channels. It’s amazing what compelling viewing the commercials become in a remote-less world! I did some research online to see  how much a replacement Zappa would cost, and yes it would have depleted the Sidewalker Fund for the nth time since inception! So before rushing in to buy the replacement I’ve just been outside doing the recycling, and what do you know I found old Frank at the bottom of the paper recycling bin. This had Little Miss Sidewalker’s paw prints all over it. On returning triumphantly to the nest with Frank in hand Sidewalker Jr. was cracking up as he said, “My sister is so funny.” I replied, “I fail to see the humor there Jr.” To which he replied, “She put it in the wrong bin, it should have been in with the plastic and glass”, at which point all four of us burst out laughing.

The moral of the story? Frank Zappa can actually bring families together…

-Luke Sidewalker

-Current Balance $26.17

Sidewalker Jr.’s adventures at school are continuing a pace. His coin finding/dinner money shakedowns have slowed, which is a good sign. He seems to be enjoying the experience and he delights us with random words in Spanish and pointing out various mammals from time to time. They seem to have a really diverse curriculum for the youngsters, either that, or Jr. is only paying attention for 25% of the time.

The other day when I picked him up his teacher said, “I’m sorry about Jr.’s hair Mr. Sidewalker.” I haven’t got the keenest eye for detail and apart from looking a little ruffled the mop on top of his head seemed much the same as normal…until he turned to the side. I thought, “that’s funny he didn’t have a receding hairline on the right hand side this morning at breakfast!” His teacher went on to explain they were doing some scissor work in art class and Jr. had thought it a good opportunity to give his fringe a trim. I had to explain to him that we get haircuts at the barbers and not in the classroom. I asked him if he would do it again. He replied, “No, because everyone laughed at him.” Not quite the answer I was looking for but it is a step in the right direction.

We will shortly be celebrating Jr.’s birthday. He thinks he is getting a toy aircraft carrier for his present. I have different ideas. He will forever remember this birthday as the year he got a haircut for a present! Maybe that will help the lesson sink in…

A harsh lesson? Perhaps. A necessary lesson? Definitely. The haircut costs 66% of the Sidewalker Fund.

Have a great weekend…

-Luke Sidewalker
-Current balance $23.78

About a month ago we sent Sidewalker Jr. off on his merry way to start school. I made a little jest about the playgrounds of pre-K being a barren coin-less wasteland. How very wrong I was. Sidewalker Jr. has bagged a modest 60 cents since starting school. Fear not, we did not include that in the Sidewalker Fund total. Although I see him as an angelic little toddler, there is always the chance that when the school gates close he turns into a vicious ruthless gangster. Shaking down his classmates in the dinner line, and running an extortion racket on the substitute teachers.

So with this in mind, all his unsupervised finds at school have been returned the next day in the teacher/parent folder with a note. If his teacher is driving a new sports car by the end of the year, the long finger of suspicion will pointing once again!

To make a short story a little longer, I think it should be noted that Junior Sidewalkers need supervision up until the point that their solo finds can be assumed to have not been originated in any way that my lead to expulsion from school.

-Luke Sidewalker
-Current balance $23.60