by Luke Sidewalker on December 3, 2011
DISCLAIMER: Although the story below is 100% true, it is in no way indicative of your personal future experiences when embarking on a career of sidewalking.
OK now I have got the disclaimer out of the way I can commence with my tail of nonsense! I was recently contacted by a long time reader of the blog, he or she (yes Castle Sidewalker honors all personages rights to anonymity!) recently got a new puppy and they felt compelled to tell me how this blog had been an inspiration for them post arrival of the canine to their Castle. Admittedly I was initially mystified, as I expect you are right now, as to how this ties in with the honorable pursuit of sidewalking, however rather than to cut my reader short I decided to let them mumble on in the hope it might give me some material with which I could seed the pages of this blog! And what a good decision that was…
The reader having gushed about the delights of being a new owner of a Japanese Spitz, then went on to the meat of the story. As the dog needs walking on a regular basis, they told me of the amount of money they had been finding on the sidewalk. I sat back with a knowing grin, comfortable in the fact that although I had inspired this reader to sidewalk we both knew who the alpha-Sidewalker was in this conversation…until they unleashed this next tidbit. Apparently they had been walking the Spitz when they came across a $10 bill on the floor which they promptly recovered. Further along on the walk they came to a news kiosk and decided to “invest” one of the ten dollars in a scratchcard; the scratchcard turned out to be a $20 winner! Not happy with the rather large dose of good fortune thus far they then decided to “invest” one of the twenty dollars in a Mega Millions lottery ticket; the ticket kindly yielded $7 when the numbers were drawn a day later. My grin disappeared, and I sat there agog; fear not, it was only a momentary pang of envy as there is no room at Castle Sidewalker for jealousy!
So on reflection what have we got here to prove the exponential power of sidewalking:
+$10 Walking the Dog
-$1 Purchase of Scratchcard
+$20 Scratchcard Win
-$1 Purchase of Lottery Ticket
+$7 Lottery Win
+$35 TOTAL
In other news, Mrs. Sidewalker, Sidewalker Jr. and Little Miss Sidewalker are all ganging up on me to get a puppy, what do you think?
-Luke Sidewalker
-Current balance $33.72
by Luke Sidewalker on November 20, 2011
Last month I had my biggest score finding money on the streets. I found my first note, and it was not the lowest denomination either! I was the beneficiary of a $5 note, which begged the question, who is leaving this kind of cash on the sidewalk? The only way to determine who the donor to the Sidewalker Fund was, would be to conduct some CSI type analysis on the crime scene, or as I like to rename it the drop scene. Do I see an opportunity for a spin-off series, Luke Sidewalker staring in DSI: New York? Anyway I digress, let’s get back to recreating the scene, and scouring for forensic evidence.
The time of day was between 8:00 and 8:30 am, I was walking East along 40th Street, there was a noticeable breeze swirling around the concrete canyons of Midtown Manhattan. I felt a dull rumbling in my pocket, it was the mobile hotline to Castle Sidewalker. I pulled my cell phone from my pocket, and conscious of the purposeful strides of the sidewalk sharing pedestrians around me I ducked into a nearby alcove of a building on 40th & Broadway. I will gloss over the contents of the call, because it is not material to the case, but shortly after arriving in the alcove I felt relief from the swirling winds and my gaze turned to the floor. You can imagine my surprise when I saw a screwed up piece of greenish paper, that on further inspection revealed itself to be a $5 bill!
So what conclusions can we draw from this?
1) The bill was screwed up suggesting it had come from a pocket rather than a money clip or wallet.
2) It was found in a wind-sheltered alcove ideal for the lighting of a cigarette.
These two keys facts point to the perpetrator of the drop being a smoker. This is my reconstruction of events on that fateful morning. The perpetrator looks at the clock and sees they have just enough time to go downstairs for a smoke before their heavy schedule of morning meetings commences. They are an experienced smoker and on leaving the building they immediately determine that lighting up in the open will prove to be a fruitless task due to the prevalent wind conditions, they then head straight for the sheltered safety of the alcove. On entering the alcove they already have the cigarette ready, but have not yet prepped the ignition device. Anxious for their nicotine fix they fervently fish around in their pocket for their lighter, on withdrawing the lighter from the aforementioned pocket they unknowingly also dislodge the $5 bill as well. The bill floats to the floor, as the perpetrator executes their lighting up routine. Unaware that the money has been dropped the perp rushes back upstairs to work in a post-smoke bliss.
If ever a story depicted the twin evils of losing money and smoking then this is it! Do you have a better idea of how that money came to be on the floor?
Stop smoking and start sidewalking!
-Luke Sidewalker
-Current balance $33.72
